What Comes Next
I was loud AF about wanting to be the first-ever African-American woman to race in the world tour. Through tenacity, patience, and being in the right places at the right time, I did it!
Unfortunately, bad news never has good timing and my fibroids decided that I wasn’t meant to have a good time living the dream for long. At some point during the season after another tough race, my DS asked me if I thought I’d come back to racing too soon. My answer? “Absolutely!”
My body was not ready for the demands of racing at this level, and along the way that also affected my mental health, my tenacity, and my whole spirit. It broke me.
I’m in a much healthier place now, but still not completely back to where I was. With that in mind, I’ve decided to take this year to find my joy again. I didn’t pursue a team contract so I could give myself a real shot at healing fully without the pressures and demands of super high-level racing.
That doesn’t mean I’m gonna sit on my behind and wait for a miracle either. All of these things take work, and I’m not a stranger to working towards a goal.
So here are my 2024 goals in no particular order:
I want to have fun.
I want to build my body back up brick by brick
I want to invest in the programs I’ve started for others
I want to continue reminding folks of the importance of Representation
I want to spend time with loved ones (this is a big one that goes right out the window when you move across the globe)
I want to find my confidence again. I am not currently the brazenly bold Ayesha that knew she could achieve the audacious goal of becoming a pro. And as tough as that is to admit, it’s the truth.
I don’t need or want anyone to feel sorry for me. So far when I’ve shared this news folks have apologized, as though not being on a UCI team is the worst thing that could happen. When in fact, the worst news was realizing I’d lost myself in the pursuit of something that was once a source of happiness. I deserve peace, and this year, I did not have that. I will ALWAYS prioritize joy.
I’ve got some pretty cool stuff planned for myself this year, and for the programs I run. Autonomy is so valuable and I’m thrilled to be able to decide how I’d like to spend the next year of my life. After that I’ll again decide, what comes next!
All this to say, despite the downs being really down, the ups were really up and It was amazing achieving this goal even if the timing wasn’t optimal. I will never not be proud, cuz I did that!
